Montville

We've now reached a new county - Morris county - and the end of our journey. Right after the town line, Bloomfield Ave. splits off into Route 46 and Route 159. Thank God there's a picnic table at the Home Depot right at this intersection. I need a place to sit down while I wait for someone to pick me up ...

Fairfield

I've never been this far on Bloomfield Ave., not even in a car. It's starting to look less like an interesting street and more like a highway - car dealerships on either side, a grassy median, and no real sidewalk. I'm starting to wonder if this road ever comes to an end.


There was one sort of interesting thing - Uptown Country Furniture and Accessories, at 1221. The store itself wasn't unusual, but the buildings were very odd and not something you'd expect to see on Bloomfield Ave. The main building looks like a wooden farmhouse, and out back are two stables, or something, with a dusty gravel driove. Everything looks old and weathered, like something transplanted from an old western movie set. I expect a horse to come trotting out from somewhere. What is this doing here? And what the heck is "uptown country" - isn't that an oxymoron?

Another diner - the Cutting Board Deli and Grill, at 1275. Hey, I like diners, and you kind of have to stretch to find something interesting here.

And finally, the mighty Passaic River. Mighty is a joke. The river itself is kind of a joke, because it's so dirty, from New York City dumping its sewage in it during the 19th century, that the only people who get near it are professional rowers.

West Caldwell

I used to work at an ice cream store in West Caldwell, and one day a woman tried to bring her toy poodle into the store with her. That's the kind of town West Caldwell is.

There's a historical marker planted in the parking lot outside #687. I always wondered what could be so significant about a parking lot in West Caldwell. Apparently, it was the site of store that was opened in 1798 and was razed in 1968. Definitely something to check out for all of you interested in the minutiae of New Jersey history.

And speaking of parking lots, here's another one, the one owned by Panera Bread, #804. This is not a historical parking lot, at least not for most people. For me it is - I got my first kiss in this parking lot. I could probably even tell you which parking space I was standing in.

Caldwell

There was an old red MG convertible parked outside C&G Auto Tech, #57 - very nice. I was tempted to jump in the front seat and patch out with it.

Did you know that Grover Cleveland was born in Caldwell? Yes, the man who managed to be both the 22nd and 24th president was born right on Bloomfield Ave! There's a small museum inside that you can peruse. I think my dad brought me here when I was very young, and I don't remember much about it.

Another diner - the Caldwell Diner, at 332. It looks interesting probably because it's so small and simple, very much out of place among downtown Caldwell's boutiques and mega stores.

Essex Fells

Essex Fells is a lot like Glen Ridge, but with an older demographic. It also takes up only a block on one side of Bloomfield Ave., between Chestnut Rd. and Fells Rd., so there was nothing even remotely interesting to see. Nothing to take a picture of, even.

Verona

Fair Verona is where we next lay our scene.

Amazing Hot Dog, at 148A, looks interesting. It serves 12 different kinds of hot dogs, plus other grill items, but since I don't like hot dogs I don't go in.

Apparently there are such things as bartending schools, and Verona plays host to one called Mix 'Em Up.

Verona park is a nice place with a bunch of walking paths. In the summer, you can rent a paddle boat and go out on the pond.

I wasn't originally intending to stop at Di Paolo Bakery, #695, but the wonderful smell assaulted me from a block away. I had to go in. Inside is wall-to-wall desserts, including a huge selection of Italian pastries, which I hate but everyone else in New Jersey seems to like. I got a chocolate-frosted donut and a bottle of water for $1.60. This place totally seduces you.

This building always looked so interesting - it's painted baby blue and shaped like a wedge. I found out that it's called the Flatiron Building.

Montclair

Bloomfield Ave. in Montclair is becoming a battleground. Montclair is trying so hard to create a sophisticated, hipster inamge of itself that it's actively trying to push undesirable businesses - tattoo parlors, car dealerships, 99 cent stores - off Bloomfield Ave., in favor of upscale restaurants and boutiques.

There's nothing quite like Bloomfield Ave. Montclair, although I may be prejudiced because this is my hometwon. There's about a million hair salons, and we're known for having restaurants of all different ethnicities. I found Chinese, Jamaican, Guyanese, Chinese, Indian, West Indian, Thai, Japanese, Cuban, Italian, Ethiopian, French, Moroccan, Turkish and Soul Food restaurants.

Dressing for Pleasure, #220, was one of the most controversial stores to open in Montclair, and I'm sure the town would be glad to see it go. It's a pretty kinky sex shop which, as was explained to me in detail, has separate rooms for clothes, shoes and toys. Notable items include chain mail vests, studded bras, and crotch-high boots. My favorite was a personal stocks and pillory, like they used to hold criminals in public in colonial times.

The Bloomfield Ave. Cafe and Stage, #347, is one of my favorite places in town. It's a dilapidated little underground place that provides a substance and alcohol-free place for struggling rock bands to perform. My friend played here a few times with her band, PointFive, on the same stage where The Academy Is ... appeared in the summer 0f 2005 (to put this in perspective, The Academy Is ... is being championed by MTV darling Pete Wentz, of Fall Out Boy). Above it is Park Billiards. These two places are also under siege from the township.

The London Food Company is another fun place, mostly because you've never heard of the stuff they sell inside. It's stocked with British food staples, like scone mix and clotted cream, and all sorts of unusual brands and things you would never think to eat.

I was drawn to Cisco Station, #461, because of the cute architecture. It has a lot of nice clothes inside, but they're all overpriced - $136 fo a shirt?! Thnaks, but no thanks.

Prima, on the other hand, is a good choice - cute and reasonably priced. They have a large selection of 60s style concert t-shirts for $12. I picked up a long sequined skirt for $9 on the outside sale rack, and I would definitely go there again.

I can't forget Powerhouse Tattoo, #545, where I got my own little tramp stamp done. The own's trying to close this down, too.

My friends and I used to go to the Soda Pop Shop, at 558, all the time when we were in high school, because it's a really. It's an ice cream parlor, with some diner food, decorated like a 50s restaurant. In the frot display windows and on the walls are old toys and games, and on Friday nights the games come out for the customers to play with.

There's even a tiny little mosque in an old house, but I couldn't make out its name.

The Montclair Art Museum, at the corner of Bloomfield and South Mountain, is small but has a nice collection. In the spring they sometimes put a croquet course out on the front lawn, complete with statues of characters from "Alice's Adevntures in Wonderland".

At the western edge of Montclair is Graz Park. It's only a block long, and I've never seen anyone in it, but it has a cute gazebo. I'm thinking it's named after Montclair's sister city, Graz, Austria.

Glen Ridge

Glen Ridge is boring. It's all million-dollar houses with no more than 15 businesses, all clustered on Bloomfield Ave. And they're all card shops or something like that. Nothing interesting here folks, let's move on.

Bloomfield

I decided to stop at Grillmaster BBQ and Cafe, #41, for some food. It's a barbeque place that's actually very clean, and carries a nice dessert selection. The people behind the counter kindly make me a grilled cheese sandwich, even though they've stopped making breakfast (because apparently, grilled cheese sandwiches are breakfast food). For $3.25, it get the sandwich and a diet Pepsi.

I really love New Jersey diners, so I think this White Circle System diner, #176, looks like something I should check out someday.

There's actually an elk popping out of the awning of the Bloomfield-Newark Elks lodge's awning. I don't think I've ever seen an elks lodge - do they all look this strange? While I'm taking this picture, a cute guy stops me and asks if I'm foreign, otherwise why would I be taking pictures of random stuff on Bloomfield Ave.?

This is the logo on the Sherwin Williams paint store, #324. Does this scare anyone else? That paint looks like blood, like Sherwin Williams is trying to create an apocalypse. Really, it could be a Klan logo or something.

Danny Stylig Cuts, #382, looks like a normal hair salon, but looks again - it also plays host to Mike's Game X-change. There's a counter in the back, next to all the barber stools, that holds hundreds of games. This is a combination I've never seen before, video games and hair.


The Garden State parkway (much superior to the New Jersey Turnpike) goes over Bloomfield Ave. Right next to the Parkway is Watsessing Park. Here you can see Jamaican immigrants playing cricket on Saturday mornings, and Geena Davis used to practice her archery here.

I had always driven past Good Guys department store, at 575, and wanted to go in, and now here was my chance. It's a dirt cheap and slightly dirty place, kind of like the Conway stores in New York City, but defintiely worth a look. I got a pair of twill pant for $12 and a pair of tights for $1.75. I could have also picked of James Brown's "Funky Goodtimes" on CD for $2.98, but decided to pass.

Another nice diner to check out is the State Street Grill. It used to be called Willie's, and it was all chrome on the outside. Now it looks like it's rocking some kind of modern Spanish design. Across the street, Cambridge Bagel Factory, #648, sells the best bagels I've ever had.

Belleville

I used to live in Belleville. So did Mikey and Gerard Way, of My Chemical Romance. This town occupies only one block of one side of Bloomfield Ave, from Heckel to Belmont streets, and the most notable thing on this block is the Halal Live Polutry. That's right, live poultry. The chickens are kept in cages visible from the sidewalk, but even if you couldn't see them, you could certainly smell them. It's a pretty awful place - the cages are so small that the chickens have to climb over each other to get anywhere, and you can go pick which chicken you want and then they go wring it's neck and hand it over to you. I think I would rather save the chickens by setting them free.

Newark

Newark is New Jersey's largest city, and sometimes New Jersey's largest pain. It's a city known for it's crime, poverty and corrupt government. A sign of how bad the city can be is this public service billboard posted at a bus terminal, urging kids to graduate from high school. However, Cory Booker was recently elected as a new mayor, and he seems to have a great plan for the city.

The streets of Bloomfield Ave. are lined with trash here, and within two minutes of my trek I see an ambulence hurtling around a corner. Some guy at a gas station actually opens his car door, leans out, and tries to hit on me.

A lot of the signs on the businesses are in Spanish, which shows how much this new flood of immigrants has effected the area. One supermarket has flags from six different South and Central American countries plastered on its awning.

The Branch Brook Company, #223, is one-stop shopping: they've got everything from toys to model trains to pools and jacuzzis. I remember going here often as a child to buy Darkwing Duck toys. Here, as in all Newark stores, the sales tax is half of what it normally is (actually 3.5% because the state sales tax was just raised). This is because the government wants you to shop in urban areas and put your money into their economies.

Branch Brook park is well known for its half in Belleville, where the spring cherry blossoms draw people from around the world. However, the Newark half is still a nice place.

The Wash and Lube sign, for a business on a sid street, is so magnificently tacky and old-fashioned that I just had to take a picture.

I always liked this building, because it looks like a turret from a mideval castle. It's called the Salvatore Bontempo complex, and it's a memorial for Newark civil servant.


Most Wanted Cuts, #404, is apparently the "fade specialist". I think it sounds vaguely illegal. I think "Funky Nails", #569, gets a strange name award too. Also slightly absurd was this stupid arming-waving blowup man parked outside a Domino's pizza, at 551.

Mount Zion hot dogs is a small blue truck that seems to be parked on the street at all hours of the day. It looked interesting, but since I don't like hot dogs, I didn't stop to check it out.